Almost Domesticated

Thankful
Current mood: thankful
Category: Life

Another birthday has come and gone and I have another year’s experience.  Although I felt a terrible loss and sadness when I lost Dad, a feeling that I felt one other time in my life, in another way, I am thankful for the balance of joy that I have in my life.  I am thankful that I am not emotionally catatonic.  If feeling the joy of seeing my daughter everyday and the thought of getting married to the only person who knows me better than I know myself and having the greatest friends and Reno means that there will be equal amount of loss and hurt, I’ll take it.  I’ll take it all, the good the bad and everything in between.  I am thankful that I have each moment that I have and when I lose something precious, I can choose to appreciate what I have now, more.  I am thankful.  I will not live a life of regret.  I want to be happy and enjoy life and those around me.  I am thankful.

Whomp-whomp
Current mood: blah
Category: Life

I thought I was dealing with the loss of Dad pretty well.  Turns out that I hadn’t dealt at all.  I feel like Eore from Winnie the Pooh.  Whomp-whomp, slow motion. 

Thanksgiving was the first hard day, then when I received his death certificate, then finally when I received his ashes.  I couldn’t get off the couch, all day.  I sat on the couch, with my dad, and watched terrible TV all day.  I think it ws a reality marithon on E!

I am thankful.  I used to have depression pretty badly.  I slept all the time and felt like I did while I was stuck on the couch unable to get up and live, all the time.  I was constantly fatigued and couldn’t get up without at least 12 hours of sleep.  I don’t do that any more.  I had one afternoon of whomp-whompiness and am slowly getting out of the funk.

Oh, “whomp-whomp” is the sound effect that a slow elephant makes when they walk or the whomp-whomp-whomp sound of losing at a game show.

I got up and worked out today.  That’s the hardest part.  I can get up and go to work and feed my family.  Taking care of myself is the hardest thing to do when I feel like this.

How do you get through this?  Does it get easier with time or is there something that I am supposed to be doing?

Please See Attendant-One of my biggest accomplishments!
Current mood: satisfied
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

I am not one to spend a ton of time on anything.  If I can’t get it done before I get bored or busy, it wasn’t really worth it.  Well, not “not worth it,”  I’m truly a procrastinator at heart and old habits die hard!  That is one trait I got from my dad.  The much cooler trait, that I inherited, is a way with words.  His was spoken, mine is written.  I’d probably have major ulcers if I had to speak in public on a regular basis, without a written script.  I’m A LOT better, but I’d rather write.

I used to write when I was depressed.  In fact, my first published piece was inspired by my teen, dramatic, hopeless love drama.  Yes, dramatic drama.  That’s how over the top my emotions were.  I have found that I can be happy and creative.  I don’t have to be heartbroken or hopelessly in love. 

Jeff had an idea and in two hours I had a finished product.  I took a screen play that he had and copied the formatting and inserted his idea with my words and spin.  I gave him the rough draft and before I knew it he had sent it to everyone and we just finished filming most of it! 

I am so excited just to have others not only understand what I wrote, but interested in it!  I will follow up on post production and what happens at the festivals to which we submit the film. 

Check out more about the film at jefffenter.com!  I am SO excited.  Life has a funny way of balancing itself. 

Loss of a Parent
Current mood: sad
Category: Life

I have never lost anyone close to me.  When my grandfathers died, they were both really sick and elderly.  I am not sure how I feel about losing my dad.  Fortunately, I have just started back to school and have had to film the movie that I wrote a couple of months ago, otherwise I wouldn’t know how to function.  Life has kept me busy so that all I have to do is put one foot in front of the other and complete the numerous daily tasks.  I’d love to just sleep through my emotions, but there is just too much to do.

The few times that I have been alone in the car is when it’ll hit me that I will never see my dad again.  We had a weird relationship, but would always eventually get caught up and re-establish our relationship.

I was coming home from school Tuesday, and decided that I was tired of expecting so much from him and that we just needed to be.  He was unreliable, but he did his best and I never once doubted how proud he was of me nor that he loved me.  I called and left him a message that I had just bought my wedding dress and that most of my wedding plans were coming together and being finalized. 

I got a call from Wyoming, the next day and I knew it was Dad returning my call.  It was his brother.  I couldn’t hear what he had to say other than life support and heart attack.

My brother and I flew out immediately and we were able to be there in Dad’s last hours. 

I have been so busy from planning his funeral, writing his obituary, writing and delivering his eulogy to getting caught up in school, work and beginning our film.  The only down time I’ve had is when I got sick and couldn’t get out of bed.  I am thankful that I haven’t had a chance to let it hit me at once.  No matter what, he was my dad and he will not see his only daughter get married, graduate college, have more grandchildren or anything else.

I hate dreaming about him.  It is always about the negative feelings I had and not the good memories that I try to remember.  I hate that we can’t do things differently.  I am thankful and conforted that he is in a better place and didn’t suffer.  Sometimes, I think that I haven’t broken down and really cried because I know he is at peace.  When I’m still, the emotions hit me and I’m too overwhelmed to cry.  Numb. 

Jeff’s Lasik!
Current mood: chipper
Category: Life

Jeff won a free Lasik procedure from Carter Eye Center!  I signed him up at the bridal show and he won the grand prize!  He had it done two weeks ago and can now read the bottom row of letters on the chart!

We were skeptial of “FREE”, but ended up only buying one set of $70 eye drops.  They provided all of the rest! 

It is amazing how well he can see now!  He’s worn glasses since early high school.  This is probably the coolest thing we’ve ever won.  Yeah Jeff!

Ten down, just a few to go!
Current mood: rejuvenated
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

In two months, I’ve lost ten pounds!  The best part is that I can easily ride my bike ten miles in this summer heat!  I’m excited, but need to lay off of the ice cream before it sneaks back up on me.

Hopefully, I’ll loose a few more and I’ll go dress shopping, next month!  YEA!

Weight Loss-need to lose 15-30 by Labor Day!
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

Okay, I’m done being in denial.  I’m way too heavy.  It’s not being down on myself, it’s not a pity party, it’s time to do something.  I am doing something.  My goal is to lose 15-30 pounds by Labor Day.  That is 1-2 pounds a week for the next 13 weeks.  I can do that! 

Week one, I lost 2 pounds.  This is week two and so far, I’ve lost 3 more pounds.  I’ll find out officially how much in a few minutes.  I’ll report back next week.

If I reach my goal, I’ll buy a wedding dress Labor Day.  I have to write about it to keep myself accountable and see my progress.  If I don’t see results, I go the opposite and gain 1-2 pounds a week.

Happy weight loss!

Back on top
Current mood: bouncy
Category: Life

It’s weird.  I was getting a little depressed not doing anything and being unemployed.  I guess being a stay at home mom is out of the question!  I got a new job and start tomorrow! 

It is an accounting job and I can choose my hours and it pays  much better than my old job.  I am pretty excited. 

It is always nerve racking to start something new, but I can’t wait for the challenge.  The accounting system that I’ll be learning will be great experience and is used at all of the big companies. 

Everything happens for a reason!  I am glad that jerk yelled at me and lied about it!  Well, happy that I have a better job.

Help Wanted? Help NEEDED!!
Current mood: aggravated
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

Well, I quit my job and don’t have a Plan B.  Now what?  Okay, okay, I’ll tell you what happened.

Friday, the lobby was full and only one of the tellers was out front.  I went to help the next person in line.  It was a reposessed car.  The teller told me what our boss had told her to do.  Post the payment and put the rest in the savings so that we can transfer it for repo fees, later.  No problem. 

The member thought his due date was in May.  I checked with my boss to verify there were no other arrangements.  None, so I gave him an account statement showing all of the payments.  I then asked my boss if he would like for me to give the member the address and phone number to go pick up his car or did he want to personally talk to him? 

“Why are you always in the middle of everything?”  What?  I was helping the next person in line.  As I was explaining that the teller was busy and the lobby full, he yelled, in my face, for me to go sit down.  Am I a child?

I cooled off from being told what to do and my confusion of my Operations Manager position verses being in the middle of everything.  I came back and asked him what I need to do differently if we ever have this situatuion.  I need to not be in the middle of things, apparently don’t do about twelve things correctly (first I’ve heard of those!) and if I’m not happy I can just leave!!  Okay, see ya!

I had asked why he didn’t let me know the other lady was helping the member and he said that he didn’t want to embarrass me.  So I asked him how yelling at me to go sit down wasn’t embarrassing.  He explained that no one heard, it was between us.

Bull-he told some employees who over heard his raving that he told me to have the member go sit down.  WHAT???  As he’s walking to the front to help the guy, why would he yell at me to have the member sit down?  How come when I asked him to not speak to me that way, he didn’t say anything other than “no one else heard, it was just between you and me?”

Help needed.  I need a job, yesterday!  I put in my two weeks on Friday, but another out burst from him and I’m out.  This wasn’t his first irrational episode, but it was probably the worst and I’m DONE!

If you know of anyone hiring, let me know!

Vacation is fun, but I miss home Day 7
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Travel and Places

God I miss home!!  I miss Sydney.  I miss Reno.  I don’t really miss work.  I miss my friends and family.  I MISS AMERICAN FOOD!  Yes, me Miss Culture, misses American (and Mexican) food.  I love new things, but my stomach can only handle so much adventure.  I think the driving has upset my stomach more than the food!

We went to the Botanical Gardens today.  We saw the world’s oldest tree.  It is 2000 years old!  The US has the second oldest at 1600 and then Sri Lanka at 1200.  Again, I’ll have some pictures up soon.

We went back to the silk place and Jeff and I both bought Kurtas.  His look like regular shirts and mine is traditional.  I can wear the top with jeans and it will look like Western fashion.  The whole outfit is nice, though. 

We also bought some sandelwood carvings.  Most of the handicraft stores will take cedar and put sandlewood oil on it and sell it at the same price as the real stuff.  I learned how to tell the difference.  No oil on shirt, real deal.  Not that I need that knowledge in the states!

We are going to a resturant that is more traditional Indian.  We will be eating with our hand (right hand.)  The left hand is the dirty hand (i.e. no toilet paper!)   It is very interesting.  To help our stomaches, we ate at TGI Fridays.  It was nice having American food!  It was also kind of amusing.

I loved my visit and am sorry to leave, but I miss the US very much!  I want to come back and see North India and some other areas of the country.  USA, here I come!